iPhone non-superfan is professional media-whore

I'm sure you're all aware of the first person in line at the 5th Ave Store in New York. You know, Mr. Greasetard? You're not going to believe this, but we've managed to stumble upon a Wikipedia article which reveals some exceptionally odd things about Mr. Packer. First of all, sit down or at least hold on to something. This is going to be about as absurd as it's ever going to get. As it turns out, Mr. #1 greasetard superfan is in fact no more than a professional line-waiter.

Folks, you're not going to believe this, but Greg Packer's claim to fame is in fact, his fame. I know, I couldn't believe it either. Apparently he holds a record for being the most average person more times than anyone else in the media by showing up first in line for everything and posing as a normal person, waiting for some poor sap of a journalist to come interview him. I know, "What the heck?"

The article says that he has appeared in over 100 individual media appearances, ranging from press coverage of Iraq to two consecutive New Years Eve festivals, and everything in between. He also has a long-running habit of waiting in line for popular products. He's been first in line for pretty much everything. He's like a moth attracted to a lamp, and the iPhone is about as shiny and glowy as it gets.

I mean, come on! Is there anything publicized that this guy hasn't waited in line for? I bet he must be pretty pleased with himself now; he struck the jackpot of all hype. He's probably getting interviewed left and right, and what's worse is that that's the only reason he's doing it. Would I care if this guy was an actual superfan? Of course not! But no, he's just a frigging road construction worker that wants to ruin it for everyone else.

Now take a look at poor #3, David Clayman. He probably would have been First In Line if supertard and his friend didn't beat him to it, and he's even auctioning off his for a freaking charity. I wonder how many David Clamans of the world have gotten beaten by this guy. Well, don't you worry, David. I am hereby bestowing the status of HFIL, Honorary First In LIne, on you, because I can't stand the thought of that other frigtard representing the Apple gene pool.

As for you Mr. Packer, I'm cutting you off. You've had enough press coverage for one lifetime, and I think it's time you went into rehab. I am announcing a boycott of Mr. Greg Packer from all published media on iPhone Alley. Effective immediately, he will neither be referred to by name, nor quoted, nor anything of the like, again, and I urge bloggers, writers, editors, and those affiliated with the media to all do the same.

Further more, I am officially revoking your Superfan status, because you, sir, are a Frigtard, and, quite frankly, about the biggest one I've ever seen.