Man Goes to Great Lengths to Recoup His iPhone

If you’re looking for a heart-warming story to start your Sunday morning off right, look no further.  This is a tale of theft, deception, OKCupid and triumph. This story shows that there is hope for us all, from the most of us to the least of us.

Nadav Nirenberg (left), of Brooklyn, New York, experienced what none of us would ever want to go through: his iPhone was stolen. But rather than sit back and accept his fate, Nirenberg devised and executed a downright creative plan that would make even the most hardened police detective nod appreciatively.  If Steve Jobs were alive today, he’d be grinning like Cheshire Cat.

It all started on New Year’s Eve, when Nirenberg left his iPhone 4 in a cab. Of course, once something like that happens, one can pretty much expect to never see their mobile device again.

But the thief who stole his device allowed himself to be led by his libido– a weakness which all males succumb to at one point or another– and was clearly no match for someone with a hunger for recovering his device as opposed to merely reporting it stolen and perhaps getting a replacement.

Nirenberg was a member of OKCupid, an online dating site.  We’re not judging here, we’re just reporting the facts.  Upon receiving e-mail alerts, Nirenberg saw that “he” was sending messages to women.  So brazen was the thief that he was apparently using Nirenberg’s photo to lure women. With that, an idea was hatched.

In order to catch the proverbial fly with a little bit of honey, Nirenberg set up a profile, using a photo culled from Google Images. Then, “Jennifer Gonzalez” was born. We’re mildly curious to see what the profile looked like, because of the results that Nirenberg was about to net.

With almost no effort at all, the thief, whose vocabulary was rife with misspelled words that even the most obtuse human being knows the proper spelling of, was conned into meeting at “her” place, not realizing that there would be a little surprise waiting for him.

To put it mildly, the fact that he wouldn’t be enjoying the company of a single female was about to be the least of the thief’s concerns.

Soon, the snake slithered up to Nirenberg’s door, smelling of cheap cologne. He was dressed to impress and was clearly under the impression that he would be enjoying a date, going so far as to acquire wine for the evening, though the cologne and booze was likely pilfered from the neighborhood 99-cent store.

Yes, the thief was clearly expecting an evening of romance. What he got, however, was a poke on the shoulder. Nirenberg, hammer in hand, insisted upon the return of his iPhone.

The thief, a vertically challenged man, handed over his phone, and instead of getting a hammer permanently implanted into his skull like most people would probably agree he deserved, the robber walked away with a $20 bill, courtesy of our victim.

Apart from the baffling display of unwarranted financial generosity that Nirenberg showed, perhaps the most astounding aspect of this story is the fact that Nirenberg did not contact the police.

Nirenberg also won’t file a complaint with the taxi commission. He’s content to have his phone back, a feeling that any iPhone owner can appreciate, but the sad net result of this story is that the thief is clearly free to victimize another iPhone owner who may not be as resourceful as our plucky punk musician friend here (Streetlight Manifesto is the band, if you’re interested).

One could be tempted to feel sorry for the thief, having been led to believe he would be dating a gorgeous girl, instead almost getting a (well-deserved) hammer to the dome. But one has to be at the end of their long, pitiful rope if they have to steal another man’s iPhone instead of purchasing one themselves like a civilized human being would.

Clearly, stealing another man’s (or woman’s) iPhone is a serious offense, and must be met with swift action. This thief got off light. If ever there was a case for bringing back the stockades and public hangings, this would be it.

But Nirenberg’s idea works just as well.

A man simply does not steal another man’s iPhone!  Hopefully, the miscreant who stole the phone will be scared straight. If nothing else, this story has taught us what to do if our iPhone should be stolen: set up a dating profile and fight fire with fire.

[via: New York Post]

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